She turned the key of the house, stepped in and took a deep breath, as if she would announce that she was back home. Stopped. Her hand was still on the doorknob. Her heart forgot to beat for a few seconds, her eyes was filled with tears and dropped the key that she was holding to the ground. She remembered to breath again while her heart was torn into pieces. She fell on her knees, her head rested on the door that she was still holding like it was the only connection to the empty reality she was living in. She screamed, her other hand on her heart, tears were falling down her cheeks. She kept screaming until she was out of breath, kept crying until she was out of tears, on the doorway, while two eyes were watching her curious but silently.
"-Ok guys, combat res that fucking hunter! Buff him right away and someone pop a fucking bloodlust for him!" he yelled to the screen, in the middle of the night, like this sentence made any sense in this world. But it made sense in another world that he roamed, known by another name, living in another appearance.
"- He is going down guys! Push it! Push it!" His hand was dancing on the keyboard. His eyes were dry. It was minutes that he did not blink, his body was strained like his life was depending on what he was doing. "come on" he murmured "come the fuck on." He was sitting on the same chair for hours without moving besides his fingers that were hitting the key with all his rage.
"-Holy fucking shit we did it! We did it guys! Good job! Good job all, good fucking job all of you guys, thank you!" They obviously did something. It was the first time after months, that he felt... something. His body was relaxed after hours, he leaned back to his chair. He knew that he needed to be happy. He did what he was after for so long. He was one of the very few elite players that were able to achieve what he just did a few moments ago. There were still screams and celebrations going on in his headset. He took it off slowly and muted it seconds after he put it on his table. He held his head in his hands, his heartbeat was back to normal right after his glorious victory won against a repetitive software. "Now what?" he whispered to himself.
He got out of his room. It was quiet and dark in the house. Took a step out to the balcony. The muggy summer night was a little bit soothed by the weak wind that could only carry itself. He lid a cigarette and stared to the dark alley that was visible from the place he stood. He was blankly trying to hum a song synchronized with the bulb of the street light that was flashing. It was then, he remembered that crumb of feeling he felt, just after his victory, that meant nothing to him now. He put his hand to his chest and tried to remember how it felt like.
Like a lightening, pictures started to hit his mind. He closed his eyes to get rid of them, but that just made them worse. Images of people smiling was filling his mind, a blond teen with eyes blue like the summer sky, was smiling at him. He could tell that he was worried. The boy was extending his hand towards him until a few centimeters away from him. It was the first time he saw the cracks on the surface of those beautiful blue eyes, that looked deep into him. It was the first time he realized how the hands were shaking while the boy was pushing the wall that was blocking him. He opened his eyes, he was not strong enough to look at this image under his eyelids.
Then he heard a voice. Whispering him softly into his ear. The trembling voice of a girl, which was clear as a diamond months ago when they first met each other. Her first reaction was to stay away from him. And now she was regretful for not keeping that line and letting that wicked guy in her colorful life. He first took the colors out, left nothing but black, white and grey. The red on her lips was the only color that he couldn't kill. Then he took the melody out of her breath and distorted it, distorted it until she decided that maybe it was better to keep silent than to sing. He pressed his hands to his ears to stop the whisper of the voice that was once pure and happy. That just made him hear it louder. He started to beg her to stop.
He knelt down his hand on his ears, begging to a ghost that roamed his blurred mind to stop. He closed his eyes to see the broken blue eyes reaching to the deepest corner of his tar like heart. There, he felt a gentle hand on his back, trying to sooth him. A very familiar warm patting to comfort. He knew that deadly cold shiver would come running down his spine. He felt his razor sharp thorns were roughening. He immediately jumped forward, away from the touch, to face a tall, assuring young man approaching him slowly, with care. His face was pale, much paler than he remembered. The man extended his hands, to hold him from the shoulders. "No" he begged, "don't, it will hurt. I will hurt you, please don't" But the tall man didn't listen to his cries. Continued to caress his shoulders. With each movement he was bleeding more. With each stroke new wounds were open on his strong hands. The man finally reached out to hug him. "NO!" he yelled. The man did not care, and slowly hugged him. He saw a dark and sharp branch pierced through the heart of the man and joined to the dark of the night. "I warned you" he whispered "I begged you to not" he cried when the pale tall man became dust in his arms, leaving a memory of a broken yet happy smile drawn on the dying lips.
He tumbled to his side, sobbing. Months, maybe years later aware again, of what he did. Lots of different voices, familiar but long gone, were buzzing in his ears that he could here between his damaged breath. The heaviness of all the moments he neglected was pushing his chest down, much harder than gravity itself. He looked down to his hands to see wounds open by the shards of hearts he broke. He wasn't sure if the blood running down his wrists were his or the ones that he murdered, coldly. His ugly face was scorched by the tears flowed down like the core of the earth itself was pouring out of his eyes darkened by regret.
"That is why..." a cold voice whispered from the dark "...we decided not to feel again, you jester." He never felt such rage, hatred and disgust in his life. He stood up from the ground he was crawling, he grabbed the figure hiding in the dark by his fat, hairy neck. He squeezed it with all the emotions he missed to feel past years. His hands were deadlier than claws of sublime predators. He shook the same ugly face he had with both his hand, and throw the dark replica down the balcony. Just to see him float mid air, with a smirk, stroking his bruised neck. "You will come back to me" the dark figure said with a lethal emptiness. Before disappearing in thin air.
He sat on the balcony until the dawn breaks, mourning for all the moments that passed by while he was refusing to live.
He entered the room which was bigger than the magnificent foyer that he was waiting moments ago. "The Architect" he saluted with respect. The dark figure sitting behind a massive table which looked like a burned and crooked tree nodded. "First, an evil wizard from a child's book that literally obliterated his universe out of ambition with a band that got disbanded because of their over bloated egos. Now a pathetic computer game. What will be the cause of the next failure? A pink unicorn?!" he hissed from the shadows. His eyes caught the Architect's. There was a spark of excited sadism in them. "He's getting away, true. But the seeds are sown."
20 Mayıs 2019 Pazartesi
16 Mayıs 2019 Perşembe
Pandæmonium - Pt.1
"Tears rushed to the blue eyes.
He never felt a despair this deep, a rage this hot. He couldn't comprehend what he has just heard. His mind couldn't process the news he just received.
A piercing loneliness surrounded him. He shivered. Fear? Cold? It was the first time he felt alone."
The bitter smoke filled his mouth. He waited a heartbeat before inhaling it. The song was repeating itself for more than hundredth time. It had a soothing melody, the lyrics were telling a story of a long lost friend. A huge emptiness, similar to what he felt. He was staring to the empty night sky, wondering if he made all the stars disappear.
Actually it was such a wonderful night. A cool breeze was hiking around that sleeping city. It was possible to hear the leaves chanting and dancing with each other. The smell of spring was carried all over the place. Some cats were running into the night to find their seasonal love. Many soul were resting in the melody of peaceful lullaby. Many hearts were beating with another. But not his.
He took another deep breath from his cigarette and put his left arm where it was resting moments ago. He was wearing only a black sport short. His back rested against the roughly painted wall of the house he lived all his life in. He couldn't feel his legs for more than a few hours now. He did not care. His eyes were bloody, partly from his insomnia, partly from the smoke coming out of the cigarette and partly of his allergy. It was more than a few months now, that he could not sleep more than two or three hours. He was heaving really hard time defining which was more uncomfortable. The fatigue that the lack of sleep brought or the aftermath of a happy dream he accidentally dreams.
He heard the familiar soft scuff of velvet robes darker than the pit he buried himself in. The silhouette was holding a staff in his hand. It looked like he wouldn't be able to walk without it. The lonely guy lit another cigarette:
"- I started to worry that you would not show up tonight."
The response was silent. The dark silhouette came closer. He could feel the heat of the power surrounding that skinny, feeble body. The dark silhouette moved so softly, even in this night of absolute silence he couldn't hear the steps.
" - Are you floating?" he asked without turning looking to the silhouette.
" - Why would I spend my energy on such a useless vanity?" His voice was cracked and barely more than a whisper. He collapsed next to the lonely guy. A long coughing fit came and went. Golden hands, which looked like a claw more than a hand found a black tissue from one of the hidden pockets inside the folds of his robe. The wizard wiped the blood coloring his golden lips. Two hourglass eyes, scorched with hatred and power looked to the lonely guy deep from the black hood he wore.
" You don't have the power to disappear the stars." acrimoniously stated the wicked companion, the moment he caught back his breath.
And they started to talk. Like they did for the past months. Both were afraid of sleep. Both, lonely. Both were loved. Both, knew that they were loved. They did not ask for it. They did not want it. It was a stronger curse than the one which gave the hourglass eyes to the wizard wrapped in black robes. A shackle heavier than their darkness.
There were no joy in the conversation. Barely any feeling other than a never ending hate directed to themselves. Time spent shushing were much longer than the words spilled from those distorted lips. Their uncomfortable presence were comforting each other. Both had hearts empty as the night sky. Only empty for their eyes.
He woke up from his usual uncomfortable sleep. "Two packs? Really?" he murmured. His voice was very similar to his accursed companion that visited him yesterday. He cleaned the mess he created before his restless sleep. Collected the book he read countless time already. He knew exactly where he left, as he knew every crack or ink mark on the yellow-brown pages of that old book with a red cover.
It took a few minutes for his barren heart to pump blood to his injured legs. There were only a few breaths until the dawn breaks. He could have waited just a few more heartbeats to watch the sunrise from the exact spot he stood still. But he did not. He turned his back. Get back in the house which suffocated him, and closed the heavy curtains to keep every single color out of his sight and his life. It was the first time he asked himself if he wanted to learn to fly. He decided that he wanted to see himself try.
The wizard got up as the lonely soul fell asleep. He stepped forward. He laid his hand on the left forearm of this ugly human. Great One, he whispered, grant that this sad soul goes through his life in safety. And happiness; he added, softly.
The room was dark, humid, huge and the heat was oppressive. "Just another day like any other." he murmured. He was summoned by the Architect. He did not know why he was summoned. He already had enough work on his desk. He really did not want any more, yet here he was. Waiting to be informed about this 'urgent' matter. The massive doors located on the far end of the room jangly started to open. He could see the red-orange light of the flame dancing. " Just another day" he murmured when he lifted his over-weighted body from the wooden bench he was sitting. "Like any other."
He never felt a despair this deep, a rage this hot. He couldn't comprehend what he has just heard. His mind couldn't process the news he just received.
A piercing loneliness surrounded him. He shivered. Fear? Cold? It was the first time he felt alone."
The bitter smoke filled his mouth. He waited a heartbeat before inhaling it. The song was repeating itself for more than hundredth time. It had a soothing melody, the lyrics were telling a story of a long lost friend. A huge emptiness, similar to what he felt. He was staring to the empty night sky, wondering if he made all the stars disappear.
Actually it was such a wonderful night. A cool breeze was hiking around that sleeping city. It was possible to hear the leaves chanting and dancing with each other. The smell of spring was carried all over the place. Some cats were running into the night to find their seasonal love. Many soul were resting in the melody of peaceful lullaby. Many hearts were beating with another. But not his.
He took another deep breath from his cigarette and put his left arm where it was resting moments ago. He was wearing only a black sport short. His back rested against the roughly painted wall of the house he lived all his life in. He couldn't feel his legs for more than a few hours now. He did not care. His eyes were bloody, partly from his insomnia, partly from the smoke coming out of the cigarette and partly of his allergy. It was more than a few months now, that he could not sleep more than two or three hours. He was heaving really hard time defining which was more uncomfortable. The fatigue that the lack of sleep brought or the aftermath of a happy dream he accidentally dreams.
He heard the familiar soft scuff of velvet robes darker than the pit he buried himself in. The silhouette was holding a staff in his hand. It looked like he wouldn't be able to walk without it. The lonely guy lit another cigarette:
"- I started to worry that you would not show up tonight."
The response was silent. The dark silhouette came closer. He could feel the heat of the power surrounding that skinny, feeble body. The dark silhouette moved so softly, even in this night of absolute silence he couldn't hear the steps.
" - Are you floating?" he asked without turning looking to the silhouette.
" - Why would I spend my energy on such a useless vanity?" His voice was cracked and barely more than a whisper. He collapsed next to the lonely guy. A long coughing fit came and went. Golden hands, which looked like a claw more than a hand found a black tissue from one of the hidden pockets inside the folds of his robe. The wizard wiped the blood coloring his golden lips. Two hourglass eyes, scorched with hatred and power looked to the lonely guy deep from the black hood he wore.
" You don't have the power to disappear the stars." acrimoniously stated the wicked companion, the moment he caught back his breath.
And they started to talk. Like they did for the past months. Both were afraid of sleep. Both, lonely. Both were loved. Both, knew that they were loved. They did not ask for it. They did not want it. It was a stronger curse than the one which gave the hourglass eyes to the wizard wrapped in black robes. A shackle heavier than their darkness.
There were no joy in the conversation. Barely any feeling other than a never ending hate directed to themselves. Time spent shushing were much longer than the words spilled from those distorted lips. Their uncomfortable presence were comforting each other. Both had hearts empty as the night sky. Only empty for their eyes.
He woke up from his usual uncomfortable sleep. "Two packs? Really?" he murmured. His voice was very similar to his accursed companion that visited him yesterday. He cleaned the mess he created before his restless sleep. Collected the book he read countless time already. He knew exactly where he left, as he knew every crack or ink mark on the yellow-brown pages of that old book with a red cover.
It took a few minutes for his barren heart to pump blood to his injured legs. There were only a few breaths until the dawn breaks. He could have waited just a few more heartbeats to watch the sunrise from the exact spot he stood still. But he did not. He turned his back. Get back in the house which suffocated him, and closed the heavy curtains to keep every single color out of his sight and his life. It was the first time he asked himself if he wanted to learn to fly. He decided that he wanted to see himself try.
The wizard got up as the lonely soul fell asleep. He stepped forward. He laid his hand on the left forearm of this ugly human. Great One, he whispered, grant that this sad soul goes through his life in safety. And happiness; he added, softly.
The room was dark, humid, huge and the heat was oppressive. "Just another day like any other." he murmured. He was summoned by the Architect. He did not know why he was summoned. He already had enough work on his desk. He really did not want any more, yet here he was. Waiting to be informed about this 'urgent' matter. The massive doors located on the far end of the room jangly started to open. He could see the red-orange light of the flame dancing. " Just another day" he murmured when he lifted his over-weighted body from the wooden bench he was sitting. "Like any other."
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