14 Mart 2023 Salı

Tide

No one believed the child when he told how deep he could dive.

They did not listen to him when he explained how dark it was down there.

"Your lungs are too small" was what they told him, when he said how he felt in his chest.

"You're too weak" was their answer when he told how heavy was the ocean.

They've shushed when he told how cold it was deep under the water.

They've covered their ears when he yelled how lonely it felt in the bottom.

They've turned their head when he tried to show what the monsters in the deep did to his arms, legs, wrists. 

"Go on" they said "play with the others" when he was trembling in the corner.

They ripped off every color that he wore "this is not right" they said "that's too much color you've got there, give us some" they took each, one by one, until he had nothing left, only black.

"Don't dive then.." they said, when he started to walk in the ocean.

"Don't come near us" they shouted when he turned back to get off the water.

They did not see, when he was crying in silence.

They did not wait, when he needed time to catch his breath.

They did not ask, when he was dying to tell.

They did not look, when he reached for their hand.

They did not want, when he handed his scarred heart out.

There was no one left when he waved farewell.


They've all forgot...

...when he finally was gone.




11 Mart 2023 Cumartesi

Damaged


 Fear. Why is there fear?

Why so much feeling?

When will all stop? When they will fall asleep?

Will they all stop? At least, will they ever sleep?

Pain. Why is there so much pain?

Why is it hurting so much? Why is THIS hurting so much?

What should I do? How to stop it? them. this. whatever is it, this.

Do I want to stop everything?

Destroy, demolish... Shut it down. Shush it, them. Every single one of them.

Why don't I have any power?

Why I just can't make it stop? Make them stop. Make you, me, time; stop?

Why can’t I just end?..

...the pain?

Why am I so weak? Like a leaf obedient to the northern wind?

What is it that I cannot give up?

Any time of the day.. Noon or dawn. Or the darkest hour of the night, maybe blinded by the sun, shining through your eyes.

Numb as I want to be. Eternally condemned to be sober and aware, 

Questioning the very beginning, because I feel.. NO, I know that I am at the end.

Usurped, sentenced, shaped, tortured, killed and resurrected to be killed again by normality 

Is it only I? Because I feel you nearby.

Struggling to take a breath as if I know I did not deserve it.

Traumatized by what is to come.

Is it only I? 

Lonely in your crowd? Obscured by your light? Vulnerable and naked.

Every beat of my exhausted heart, every wheezy breath of my withered part.

Yanked, cornered, trapped between.. everything. Oscillating between life and serenity.

Underestimated didn't we, the weight of that spark of happiness, of that moment of purety.

So lonely, oozy, somber, out of tune... Misplaced in the wrong reality.

Under the moonlight and the rain that shines with your smile.

Charmed me, and only if you allow me to... Hold my breath until I can't take the next one,

And I whisper my last one, with all my heart.